Poor Counsel
Aug. 4th, 2015 07:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shinonFandom: The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
Characters: Ravio, Sheerow, Yuga, Hilda
Word count: ~6500
Warnings: Alcohol use (by a teenager and some kind of bird-creature, if that makes a difference). Some language.
Notes: Pre-canon. Some three months ago Morri uttered the phrase "drunk Ravio" in my presence, and from that moment on, this story was bound to happen.
The girl was about eight or nine, suffering a head cold, and almost certainly a pickpocket, but she approached the princess with insouciant swagger. “Message for Her Grace from town,” she said, and sniffed loudly, and only then sketched a curtsey.
“How did you get in here?” The girl only raised her eyebrows, as if embarrassed on Her Grace’s behalf for asking such a rude question. Hilda sighed. “The message, then.”
She took a breath and recited, “Barkeep says, that twitchy little minion of yours came in for a few drinks but now he’s refusing to get up off the floor and it’s bothering people, so do you wanna send someone to collect him, or would you mind if we just threw him out to try his luck with the monsters.”
Hilda stared at her, and then through her, and then wondered why of all times Ravio had to do this now.
“Can’t the bird take him home?”
The girl swiped at her nose with the back of her wrist. “Bird’s drunk too.”
That gave her pause. “Can that happen? Can birds…”
“Seen it myself,” said the girl. “Flying all crazy and falling offa stuff.” And then she averted her eyes and held out one grubby hand.
Hilda stared at it for a while. “What is this?”
Behind her, Yuga said, “I believe the urchin wants payment for carrying the message.”
Of all gall, Hilda thought. “I am the ruler of this country. I don’t handle money.”
“Right,” said the girl, “but the guy what does handle the money is out of his skull right now, so…?” She waggled her fingers impudently, beckoning for rupees.
It was as Hilda had feared - the people of Thieves’ Town respected her less and less year by year, especially since that blasted preacher had started his idiotic mask cult. She stared at the girl another few seconds and sighed again. “Yuga, handle it.” With an expression of distaste, Yuga came forward and paid the girl, delicately grasping the rupees at one end between thumb and forefinger, letting no part of himself touch any part of her.
The girl didn’t notice or didn’t care about the fuss. She only pocketed the money and nodded. “And your answer, Your Grace?”
“Tell him to leave Ravio alone. Someone will come for him shortly.”
It happened like this:
He hadn’t been having a good day to start with. The world was ending and nobody knew what to do about it - that was already a mood dampener right there. And all that afternoon had been taken over by weird secret council meetings where Yuga alluded to how he might maybe, possibly, have some kind of plan but he was keeping it to himself until they were ready to hear it. Bad enough, right? But no - Hilda was genuinely listening to the guy. Never mind that he threw off so many red flags he could’ve worn them as a cape, he was saying the things Her Grace wanted to hear. So it looked like he was the favorite now. And Ravio? Ravio might as well have been chopped liver.
It had been raining when he left the castle. He’d gotten home to find someone had chucked a rock through his window. Wasn’t the first time. Wasn’t even the first time he’d had to deal with the rain puddling half an inch deep just inside the door.
“Won’t be the last time, either,” he’d muttered to Sheerow, bracing himself to step over the deepest part of the water, find some boards to nail up inside the window until he could fix it properly -
And that had been the last straw, pretty much. Knowing it wouldn’t be the last time. You did your best and it wasn’t enough and people smashed up your house time and again until the world finally crumbled into ash.
So the window stayed broken and the rain kept falling into his house, and he went and had a drink which turned into several drinks which turned into lying down next to the fireplace and staring upward and thinking about sunshine. Also bees. Why bees? Well, there was this kinda nice background droning sound. Maybe that was why. Didn’t matter much either way. “Kinda soothing, huh?” he said. Sheerow, perched on his chest, twittered something indistinct.
It was nice and dry in here, and safe enough for now, and there was a comfortable warmth in his belly. So why ever leave? Forget the end of the world, forget the rain, forget Yuga and the Triforce and all of that junk. Ravio was staying right here.
Actually, he shouldn’t have gone to the trouble of listing all the things he wasn’t worrying about. Because then he remembered them, and then he started worrying again. That comfortable warmth was threatening to sour into nausea. He held up one finger, stretched his arm out toward the ceiling, and said “Barkeep, I’ll have another.”
A frowning face came into view above him. “Can’t have another if you can’t stand up.”
Ravio put on his most agreeable smile. “Oh, I can! Definitely. I just don’t want to. I like it here.” Sheerow chirped. “Hey, yeah, and a shallow dish to go with it. My friend here wants another too. Thanks.”
“You need to get up.”
“I can pay.”
The barkeep scowled. “You’re making the other customers uncomfortable.”
“Really? But I’m just lying here.”
“That you are. And four different people have asked me if you’re dead.”
Ravio’s eyes widened. “Oh, wow. Yeah, that’d be bad. You wanna be known as the kind of place that wouldn’t just leave a dead guy on the floor. You can get floor corpses anywhere, but this” - he waved his hands around erratically - “is a different class of bar! Right? So, if I just make… Hold on, I don’t have any paper… If you just make me a sign saying I’m not dead -”
“If I didn’t know you worked for the Princess, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’d be out on your ear already.”
“Is that a yes or a no?”
“Get up or the next one costs double.”
Ravio paid double and stayed where he was. He did have to sit up eventually, so he could drink without splashing it all over his face, and so he could pour a little into a saucer for Sheerow. But with that out of the way, he lay back again with his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Couldn’t see the weird looks he was getting that way.
And while he lay there trying really hard to think about nothing, a voice resolved out of the vague hum: “And where is the little vermin?”
Chairs scraped against the floor. Ravio had an impression a path was being cleared from the door to him. Too late, he realized he knew the speaker.
Yuga prodded him with one foot, not gently. “Get up, you. Her Grace was most displeased to hear what you’ve been up to.”
He stared blankly upward in horror, his heart sinking. Hilda knew where he was? Hilda was displeased?
“Which is nothing to the indignity I suffer,” Yuga went on, “in being expected to come and fetch you. I said get up, you ugly creature. And don’t expect me to help you, either. I wouldn’t touch you if you paid me.”
But why get up? Ravio wondered. What was the point? Then he reflected that if he stayed here he’d feel the point of Yuga’s boot between his ribs again. Probably pretty soon, too. “I’m working on it, I’m working on it.” He struggled into an awkward crouch, scooped up the drowsing Sheerow in both hands, put the bird on his shoulder and lurched to his feet. The lamplight swung and blurred around him, leaving greasy-looking smears of brightness across his vision. He shut his eyes against the dizziness. “So, that was a definite mistake,” he muttered. Even without seeing, he could feel Yuga waiting impatiently for him to collect himself. He hiccuped and rocked back on his heels, and had to swallow hard and take a few deep breaths before he felt steady enough to open his eyes and deal with the guy, and even then…
“I hope you don’t do this often,” said Yuga. “How disgraceful. I’d think the poor princess has enough troubles even without having a lush for a lackey. If you had any shame, you wouldn’t want to worry her so.”
But he was smirking as he said it, and Ravio’s face heated. You’re lying, he thought. You don’t care about Hilda at all. “I would never,” he said, “never wanna do anything to make Her Grace upset. And I almost never come here! It’s not a good idea. Makes your head all fuzzy, and head stuff is all I’m good for, right? This is - this is Lorule, after all. A guy my size shouldn’t let his guard down.” The indignation started to leave him. He waved a hand vaguely. “Today is… today’s different.”
Yuga just looked even more smug, and even more sly, and Ravio had the sickening feeling that maybe he’d said too much, given away something important. “Ah, right,” he said. “Today is different, my pathetic little friend.”
Ravio waited for the other shoe to drop and tried not to cringe too noticeably.
But Yuga went on, in a low voice that the other patrons would not overhear: “Because we have a plan now, don’t we? Things won’t go on as they have for much longer. Our world will be remade into a thing of beauty. With such joyous news I suppose you can’t be blamed for letting down your defenses.”
Hypnotized by Yuga’s terrible smile and struggling not to tip his hand, Ravio could say only, “Do you have extra teeth or something?”
Yuga didn’t answer. “Nevertheless, Her Grace has tasked me with seeing that you get safely home - as if I had nothing better to do of an evening. You owe me an apology. And while you’re at it, you should beg Her Grace’s forgiveness for depriving her of the services of her most valuable advisor.”
Ravio looked down, mumbling, “I wouldn’t say I’m valuable, exactly.”
“No, I meant me, you nitwit.” Yuga rolled his eyes. “Imagine! What a sad day for Lorule if the princess had to rely on the likes of you.”
Ravio chuckled miserably. “Yeah, no kidding.” He let his chin sink until his scarf covered the lower third of his face. The cloth fibers tickled his nose, and the reflected warmth from his breath on his face made him feel dizzy again. He wrapped his arms around himself. “That’d be the worst,” he said. It came out barely comprehensible.
“Then again,” said Yuga, his brows drawing together, “she must see some point to you…”
All Ravio really wanted was to go to sleep. Sure, he knew he shouldn’t. And yeah, he stood by what he’d said about how you weren’t supposed to let your guard down, and that probably went double around Yuga. But for a moment he thought… It would’ve been so much easier to stop paying attention. Stop worrying so much. Throw in the proverbial towel.
Yuga was saying, “You’ve been in Her Grace’s service a long time, haven’t you?” and Ravio knew, if he could just focus, he’d see where this was going. There was probably a trap here somewhere. But it was so hard.
He raised his head clear of the scarf enough to say, “Fat lotta good that’s done, huh? Been with her since we were kids, and everything still sucks.”
Yuga snorted. “You’re hardly more than a child even now.” Technically true, but still a weird thing to hear. Ravio wasn’t used to thinking of himself that way.
He wondered idly if he was ever going to get any taller, or if that was all over and done. He wondered if someday Yuga wouldn’t tower over him like this. If someday people wouldn’t be able to back him into corners and loom over him all the time -
But the huge monster clown was talking. He needed to focus.
“After all that time - after being so completely powerless for so long,” said Yuga, “I’m sure you’d jump at any chance to ease your mistress’s burdens.” And he gave Ravio a thoughtful, sidelong look, and -
A spark of understanding punched through the alcoholic fog. He’s gonna try to talk me around, Ravio thought, or at least figure out where I stand. As long as he’s got me here, he’s gonna size up the opposition. Figure out if I’m a threat.
He gulped. Okay, Ravio, he told himself, just don’t let him know you think he’s shady - but he was in no fit state for a contest of wits, and he knew it. He said, hardly above a whisper, “I’d do anything.”
“Then you must be elated at the promise I bring. This land will be reborn, and dear Princess Hilda need never worry her empty little head over Lorule’s welfare again.”
“She’s not stupid,” Ravio snapped, and held a finger up in front of Yuga’s face. “You take that back.” Yuga looked amused. “Nobody else… in her position nobody else would do any better. I’m sure of it. Maybe she doesn’t always make the best decisions, but maybe - maybe that’s ‘cause in her place there aren’t any good decisions to make! Have you thought about that? And - and having been by her side for so long” - some part of him in the back of his mind said oh gods Ravio shut up now before you ruin it, but he was powerless to stop the words coming on - “I’ve seen that! I’ve seen there’s never an easy out. Everything is always terrible and everyone is always doomed. So you…” He gestured at Yuga. “You and your stripy pants roll up saying you can fix generations of awfulness in no time flat - and what am I supposed to make of that? ‘Cause that’s totally not suspicious, right? That doesn’t scream ‘scam’ at all. And trust me, I’ve seen scams! I mean, what is this, amateur hour? Does the phrase ‘too good to be true’ ring any bells?”
He swayed slightly. He’d forgotten what his point was here. It took him a second to remember how he’d gotten started down this road. “So don’t insult Her Grace,” he said.
Only afterward did he realize that he’d kinda been shouting at full volume by the end there, and he had to stop and catch his breath.
Then he thought, Oh no, people heard that, and glanced around the bar to gauge the reaction. But no one was paying attention to him at all. They probably didn’t care about big shouty scenes anymore.
And then he thought, So what was that part about not telling Yuga you’re on to him?
His stomach dropped. His mouth went dry. He turned slowly to look at Yuga again, and he couldn’t quite read the guy’s face, but… That colorful blur off to the side, yeah, that was definitely Yuga twirling his staff like he was thinking of putting it to use.
Ravio thought, I’m done for. He swallowed hard, took a breath, and started talking fast: “I mean, that’s what I thought when you showed up. So I admit, I wasn’t totally on board at first. And - and I was kinda scared, too. I thought, what if there really is an easy answer and I didn’t think of it? And then Hilda realizes I’m useless? And look, I’m no match for you. Obviously.”
“Obviously,” said Yuga. Which was true and all, and Ravio had already thrown out any trace of pride, but it sure didn’t win Yuga any points. Smug bastard.
Ravio shut his eyes and breathed deep. He knew what he had to do. He reminded himself that he definitely had gotten rid of any sense of pride, or shame, or dignity. But this was still gonna suck. “What I’m saying is, I really, really didn’t want to believe you. But now… I gotta hand it to you. Your idea is looking really good, and I got nothing. So yeah. I’m convinced. I’ll follow you on this one.”
“Hmmm.” Yuga continued to twirl his staff contemplatively. “Then I trust you, as Her Grace’s longest-standing advisor, will be willing to vouch for me if the need arises.”
Ravio choked. “Sure,” he said.
“And you’ll defer to me,” said Yuga. “You’ll stay out of my way and do as you’re told.”
Ravio made himself nod. “Oh, yeah, absolutely. All that good stuff.” This guy insulted Hilda, he thought, and probably wants to do a lot worse. He swallowed again. “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve already done. Seeing how happy it’s made Her Grace to finally have some hope -”
And she was happy, was the worst part. She was happy and guardedly optimistic, and he hadn’t ever been able to give her that. And it wouldn’t even last. The hope Yuga offered was false.
He couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat. He wanted to go to bed for the rest of his life. He wasn’t cut out for this.
“How grateful are you?” said Yuga. “A demonstration is in order.”
This is for Hilda, Ravio told himself. I said I’d do anything. But his knees didn’t want to bend. Some things were too much.
Nothing was too much. Ravio sank to his knees and bowed down to the floor, until his face touched the rough planking near Yuga’s feet. Please let this convince him, he thought, please let me get out of here alive so I can help Hilda, please gods please forgive me this betrayal. “If this plan works,” he said, raising his head, “I’ll owe you everything I have and more.” He bowed down again and made as if to grab for Yuga’s ankle.
Yuga kicked his hand away. “Don’t touch me. I don’t know where you’ve been. And get up - you’ve made your point. Such a pathetic little creature you are, but your support may be of some value.”
Ravio sat up. Sheerow, jostled around by all the movement, came awake just in time to hear Ravio say, “At your service, Yuga.” And immediately lodged a protest, flailing his wings about wildly and filling Ravio’s ears with a prolonged angry trill. Also biting said ears. “Sheerow! Please!” Ravio tried to communicate through hand gestures I know what I’m doing, little guy, go back to sleep before you blow my cover, of course I don’t trust this joker, but apparently the meaning didn’t come across.
“What’s wrong with your animal?” said Yuga.
Ravio plastered on a rueful grin and looked up at Yuga. “Birds, am I right? Never know what’s gonna set ‘em off. You can ignore - ow! Hey! We’ll talk about this later, buddy, I promise, just - gods why is your beak so sharp this isn’t even fair.”
“If you can’t even control your pet, what use are you to me?”
He waited for Sheerow to quiet down again. “I can do lots of things. I can - well - I can do some things.” And then he saw his chance. “If you’d tell me more about your plan, I’m sure we can work something out.” Yuga looked skeptical. “Or - hey, you want me to help convince Her Grace, right? I mean, not that I couldn’t, but I’m sure I’d be extra persuasive if I actually knew what I was talking about.”
Yuga stared down his nose at Ravio, his lips twisted in displeasure. “There is another world,” he said finally, “similar in many ways to this one. We’ll need the - hm, let’s call it the cooperation of a few elements on that side. I will go there and get it. That’s really all that you need to know for now.”
“Their cooperation? So, what, are they just gonna… do they just have… some kinda machine for holding worlds together? And you’re gonna ask nicely so they’ll lend you their spare?”
Yuga looked off into the distance, and absently - but the on-purpose kind of absently - flexed his fingers on his staff. “I would hope that, even as addle-brained as you are, you would know better than to mock me.”
“I’m not. I swear. I’m not making fun of you, that is a serious question. I just don’t understand your totally super great plan yet, because, uh, addled brains and stuff.”
“You know,” said Yuga, “I routinely scrape stronger things than you from the soles of my shoes when I come in from out of doors.”
Ravio shrank away and promptly toppled over backward, catching his weight awkwardly on one elbow. That was gonna hurt when the buzz wore off. “M-maybe you should watch where you step, then? Okay, yeah, sorry, sorry, that wasn’t funny at all. Not mocking you. Cross my heart.” He considered making another attempt to get up, but Yuga would probably find an excuse to knock him down. And not like Ravio was a threatening guy even on the best day, but he’d be really non-threatening if he was lying down the whole time, right? So Yuga wouldn’t decide “hey, this guy could be an obstacle to my plans, I better smear him on the nearest wall”?
(That, and the swirling paint-colored light pouring from Yuga’s staff was making him kinda woozy. If he did stand up, he wasn’t sure he could stay that way. So. Pretty airtight case for staying on the floor, right there.)
“All right, so you don’t want to tell me what you’re gonna do in the other world. Fine! Totally fine. Trade secret or something, right? Actually, what is your trade? ...Nah, but never mind. Will you at least… Does the other world have a name?”
Yuga told him.
“Wait, say that again?”
Yuga rolled his eyes and repeated the name.
Ravio laughed. “Hey, you coulda just told me you didn’t wanna tell me. I mean, that’s a pretty good one, but -”
Yuga stamped his foot, hard enough that other people in the bar turned to look, and pointed his staff at Ravio. “What did I tell you about mocking me?”
“Wait, you’re serious? It’s actually called…? Wow. D’you think there’s a Mediumrule out there somewhere too? Maybe it’d make more sense to start there, huh? Let’s not set our sights too high.” He started laughing again. “Because, because -”
“I get it.”
“Do you get it?”
“I said -” But Yuga broke off, sighed, and finally lifted his staff out of Ravio’s face. “This has been completely pointless. Get up, you disgusting sot. If you can walk, I’d prefer to have you out of my hair as soon as possible.”
He thought about going back to his house. Then he lay back the rest of the way and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t go home. It’s no good.”
“Why not?” Yuga said impatiently.
“Flooded. I can’t… I don’t wanna look at it right now.” He meant to stop there, but instead found himself rattling on under his breath: “Probably not safe either, but who’s counting? Probably suit you just fine if I caught my death -” Sheerow tried to bite him again and missed. “Okay, okay, point taken, little buddy.”
Yuga gave the appearance of deliberating over this for a while, then sighed loudly and said, “To the castle, then. Her Grace should know what to do with you.”
He shoulda seen this coming. He hadn’t. He raised a finger in weak protest and said, “Um, about that. I kinda think - y’know - Her Grace doesn’t really…” He trailed off, lowering his hand. I don’t want her to see this, he thought, but you probably do. Probably jumping at the chance to make me look bad.
Of course, I wouldn’t look bad if I just did what I was supposed to.
“You should have thought of that before you even came here.”
“Yeah.” Ravio sighed. “Gimme a bit. I’ll get up in… a bit.”
He didn’t really want to leave this comfortable fire, or to hear whatever Hilda was going to say to him when he got to the castle. But he couldn’t stay here either. He was starting to feel unwelcome - he’d been unwelcome for a while now, but it had taken some time to break the skin - and Yuga would probably kick him again. He got up. It was not a graceful maneuver, and left him with several new questions, like “how far away are the walls right now, and could they please pick a distance and stick to it” and “is it possible to get seasick on land.” He flailed out with his hands until one of them touched the hearth, and then hung onto it for dear life.
“Hurry up.”
“Look, buddy,” Ravio muttered, “you really don’t want me to hurry right now.”
“I am not,” Yuga said, in such complete disgust it was as if the words had turned into slugs on his tongue, “your ‘buddy.’”
“Yeah, and I’m not yours, pal. ’S called sarcasm -” Shit. He slapped a hand over his mouth. Then he cursed himself again, for drawing attention to the blunder. He was gonna die here tonight, no question. Yuga was gonna see through him - or maybe he already had. Maybe this had been a head game all along. Either way -
He found himself babbling again. “And, look, Her Grace knows there’s no love lost between the two of us, right? So - so my support should count extra! Like, ‘oh wow, Ravio’s throwing in with Yuga even though I thought he couldn’t even stand the guy, that’s a really strong vote of confidence.’ Like, ‘hey, if our most cowardly and pathetic underling will vouch for this, then it must be a pretty safe bet, huh?’”
And then Yuga was leaning down close to his face - much too close. “Do you think you’re safe, then?”
He didn’t know how he was supposed to answer that. Not in a million years. He couldn’t do this anymore. “What do you want me to say?” he said, because he was too tired to stop himself. “I don’t know the right answer. I’ve never - nothing is ever - life isn’t safe. I know that. I want… I want what’s best for the princess. So I have to try and do anything I can.” Even suck up to the creepy bastard who’s trying to overthrow her, just for the chance to stop him. Though that didn’t seem to be going too well. Anything he could do wasn’t very much. It never had been. “Please,” he said, “I just wanna go to sleep.”
Yuga backed off a step. “The sooner you explain yourself to Her Grace, the sooner she will release you to do just that. Come along.” He turned with a swirl of his cape and strode importantly back to the door.
“‘Release me,’” Ravio echoed, though Yuga was out of earshot now, staring impatiently at him from the exit. “You mean for good? Sheerow, do you think we…?” But Sheerow was asleep again. He sighed. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He tried to adjust his scarf for going back out into the weather, but somehow only made it worse. “You can leave all the worrying to me.”
Outside, the rain had slackened a little. Ravio could hear thunder in the distance, moving away toward the mountains. The worst was over.
The worst was yet to come. Hilda was waiting.
“Why are you so slow?” Yuga snapped from a little further up the road. Ravio didn’t answer. Yuga strode back over to him, seized his scarf, and reeled him in until they were face to face. “My patience is running down, boy. How distraught do you think Her Grace would really be if I happened to misplace you? Would she notice you were gone?”
“Um,” said Ravio, with a lot less force or confidence than he would have liked, “well, see, she did explicitly send you out here to get me, right? So she’s expecting both of us to show up. And you don’t want to let her down, do you? It would be bad - I mean, for your master plan and stuff.”
Yuga let him go, and he almost fell into the mud immediately. “True. But do pick up the pace, before I have to come up with some kind of… incentive. I don’t care for this rain at all.”
Ravio squinted at him. He could be wrong - he’d been wrong a lot today - but it didn’t look like the guy was getting wet at all. For his own part, Ravio was already damp tending toward bedraggled, but the rain didn’t seem to have touched Yuga at all. Ravio stood very still and kept squinting, and yeah, that was it. The water was stopping about an inch above Yuga’s head and then rolling away, as if down some big invisible umbrella.
Not fair, he thought. My house is unfit for human habitation and this guy can use magic to protect his stupid hairdo? He wondered if the magic would also repel water from below. Maybe accidents could be contrived. Maybe someone could carelessly blunder into a huge puddle, and -
He threw the idea out as soon as he’d had it. Spite felt like too much work. Everything felt like too much work. He was so cold.
“I said ‘pick up the pace,’ you imbecile, not ‘stop moving and gape at me.’ This is not the time to succumb to your envy, however beautiful I may be.”
Beautiful. Yeah. Ravio honestly gagged a little. But that did raise another question. “You know… the new Lorule…”
“What? Spit it out.”
“You said this land will be remade. What do you have in mind?”
Yuga stared in silence for some time, then sniffed and turned his back on him. “Is that what the holdup is? You’re not smart enough to walk and talk at the same time? Well, I won’t answer anything if you can’t keep up.” He paused and glanced back with a cruel smile. “The suspense must be killing you.” And he strolled away, taking long, deliberate strides.
“Do you think you’re funny?” Ravio muttered under his breath. “Do you seriously think you’re being clever right now?”
“Did you say something, cretin?”
“Nope,” said Ravio, and started walking after him, as carefully as he could manage. He still seemed to step in just about every puddle in the road, and there were a lot of those. The roads in Lorule were more like one continuous pothole. They hadn’t had the money for infrastructure in forever, and Hilda wasn’t interested in hearing about it. “Couldn’t have said anything. Too busy walking, and I can only do one thing at once.”
It was supposed to be sarcastic, but then he proved his own point by tripping. He twisted around midair to keep Sheerow out of harm’s way and hit the ground hard on his opposite shoulder. Sheerow fluttered sleepily, barely taking note.
And again he found himself facing the same question: Why bother ever getting up again?
Yuga stomped back over and dragged him up by his sodden scarf. “It’s late in the game to decide to drown yourself. I’ve had to endure your company this far. I won’t fail to deliver you to your mistress now.”
“Please let go,” Ravio said quietly, taking hold of his scarf on either side of Yuga’s clawlike grip. “This is mine. It’s the only one like it.”
Yuga backed off, sneering. He shook out his hand after he let go, as if trying to rid it of some contamination. “I should hope it is.”
They walked on. Ravio kept silent and did his best not to stumble or fall behind. At the bridge to the castle, Yuga said, “The new Lorule, since you asked… It will be beautiful beyond your understanding.”
Princess Hilda was waiting for them. Ravio couldn’t look at her. He knelt on the cold stones before her and didn’t speak.
“Thank you, Yuga,” she said.
“Certainly, Your Grace. I am glad to be of assistance in mending such an… unfortunate circumstance.”
“It is very unfortunate,” the princess agreed. Ravio felt it like a blow, and couldn’t stop himself flinching.
“If I may speak frankly,” said Yuga, unseen somewhere off to his left, “I know you and this boy have had a long association. No doubt there is some loyalty, some attachment, on both sides. But I would urge you to reconsider relying on someone who has proven he’ll go to pieces in an important time. This is a pivotal moment for our country, Your Grace. Can you really afford to take the counsel of someone who can’t handle that pressure?”
Ravio didn’t say anything.
Hilda said, “I will consider your opinion. You may go.”
“Your Grace,” said Yuga. Ravio heard him walk away, and a door closing behind him.
He kept his head down. The hem of Hilda’s dress came into view. “Ravio,” she said. “What has come over you?”
“I…” All the words stuck in his throat. “Your Grace, I… I never meant for -” He was never gonna get through it this way. He took a breath. He’d just have to come out and say it. “I’m sorry. I really am. But - it’s Yuga. He’s acting like he’s really great, and you’re acting like he’s really great, but he’s not great at all, and if you just gimme some time to figure out what he’s up to I can prove it’s no good -”
She sighed. He stopped dead. “This jealousy is beneath you,” she said.
“Jealousy? Why does everyone think I - I mean, that guy? Come on, why would I -”
“Lord Yuga has my ear now, and you aren’t accustomed to sharing that privilege. But for the sake of Lorule, I must ask you to get used to the idea. We must stand together if our world is to be saved.”
“But it’s not going to be saved! Lorule is doomed, Princess, we’ve always known that. Yuga isn’t - he doesn’t have anything good planned for us. Or for you! He’s…” Words failed. He made vague hand gestures; these also failed. “He’s just… bad! You gotta believe me -”
“Ravio,” she said sharply. “I suggest you go get some sleep. This will all look very embarrassing in the morning, I’m sure.”
“You’re gonna take his word over mine? After all the time we - after everything -”
“Yuga has offered me proof of the other world. Do you have proof to contradict him?”
“I…” He’d been trying to find proof, this whole night. And now, as he racked his brains for anything incriminating that had come up, he had to admit: he had failed. All he had were suggestions. Insinuations. If he’d been on top of his game tonight - “Look, he’s said some stuff, and I’ve got a feel for this kind of thing, okay? Like an instinct. I grew up in Thieves’ Town. I know when people are -”
Hilda tapped the butt of her staff lightly against the floor, cutting him off. “There is a cot made up for you. Go get some rest, and tomorrow I expect you to see about repairing your house. And please be aware, for the future: if you mean to convince someone of your honesty and forthrightness, invoking your criminal background is not the best way to go about it. Good night, Ravio. I wish you a speedy recovery.”
For some time after she left, he didn’t even bother getting up.
He slept through the morning and into early afternoon, and stayed put for a while even after waking. His eyes hurt, and the inside of his mouth felt all gummy and disgusting. Sheerow was sluggish and worse for wear, too. But they couldn’t stay here forever. It would be better to get the windows boarded over while there was still light. “Up and at ‘em, buddy,” Ravio muttered, without any particular conviction. “We gotta go buy some nails and stuff.”
He tried to avoid the princess on the way out. If he looked half as pale and shabby as he felt, then he was a terrifying sight she could just as well do without.
There were other reasons he didn’t want to cross her path today.
So of course she intercepted him right before he made good his escape. “Ravio,” she said. “How do you feel today?”
“Oh, you know,” he said, with a weak smile and a wave of his hand, “absolutely terrible. So everything is as it should be, right? One comeuppance, duly administered -”
“I do understand your distress,” she said, “as inconvenient as it has been. Change is a difficult thing. If this works, it’s not certain what awaits us. What our world will be like, where we belong in it - it may seem easier to continue as we’ve always done and patiently wait for the end.” She shook her head. “But I want you to trust that I am doing what’s best for Lorule, as best I know how. For myself, I want to trust that I have your support to that end. Can I? Will you give me that?”
“Of course,” he said. “Of course I will. You already have it. You have ever since -” He knew he was babbling. He tried to stop himself, but only succeeded in changing course. He heard himself say, “I swear on my life I will never disappoint you again,” and he knew it wasn’t true. Couldn’t be. He was a disappointing person, to his very essence. But sometimes a guy wanted to believe.
“Good,” she said, with an approving nod, and that expression of hers that wasn’t exactly a smile but seemed to carry the same meaning. Then it disappeared, and her tone turned businesslike. “Yuga will depart for Hyrule to set things in motion in one week’s time. You have the rest of today for rest and… personal reflection, but expect a summons tomorrow to discuss your role in this.”
So it was going ahead. He didn’t have any real reason to believe he’d convinced her, but - he still hadn’t been ready, somehow, to hear that Yuga had won. But he couldn’t say anything now, or he might lose that tenuous approval. She might never not-quite-smile at him again. He’d have to pretend to fall in line, but what then? Find some way to bring Yuga down from behind the scenes? In only seven days?
He bowed, and the change in elevation made his eyes hurt even worse. “Count on me, Your Grace,” he said, and hated himself for it.
“I will.”
Characters: Ravio, Sheerow, Yuga, Hilda
Word count: ~6500
Warnings: Alcohol use (by a teenager and some kind of bird-creature, if that makes a difference). Some language.
Notes: Pre-canon. Some three months ago Morri uttered the phrase "drunk Ravio" in my presence, and from that moment on, this story was bound to happen.
The girl was about eight or nine, suffering a head cold, and almost certainly a pickpocket, but she approached the princess with insouciant swagger. “Message for Her Grace from town,” she said, and sniffed loudly, and only then sketched a curtsey.
“How did you get in here?” The girl only raised her eyebrows, as if embarrassed on Her Grace’s behalf for asking such a rude question. Hilda sighed. “The message, then.”
She took a breath and recited, “Barkeep says, that twitchy little minion of yours came in for a few drinks but now he’s refusing to get up off the floor and it’s bothering people, so do you wanna send someone to collect him, or would you mind if we just threw him out to try his luck with the monsters.”
Hilda stared at her, and then through her, and then wondered why of all times Ravio had to do this now.
“Can’t the bird take him home?”
The girl swiped at her nose with the back of her wrist. “Bird’s drunk too.”
That gave her pause. “Can that happen? Can birds…”
“Seen it myself,” said the girl. “Flying all crazy and falling offa stuff.” And then she averted her eyes and held out one grubby hand.
Hilda stared at it for a while. “What is this?”
Behind her, Yuga said, “I believe the urchin wants payment for carrying the message.”
Of all gall, Hilda thought. “I am the ruler of this country. I don’t handle money.”
“Right,” said the girl, “but the guy what does handle the money is out of his skull right now, so…?” She waggled her fingers impudently, beckoning for rupees.
It was as Hilda had feared - the people of Thieves’ Town respected her less and less year by year, especially since that blasted preacher had started his idiotic mask cult. She stared at the girl another few seconds and sighed again. “Yuga, handle it.” With an expression of distaste, Yuga came forward and paid the girl, delicately grasping the rupees at one end between thumb and forefinger, letting no part of himself touch any part of her.
The girl didn’t notice or didn’t care about the fuss. She only pocketed the money and nodded. “And your answer, Your Grace?”
“Tell him to leave Ravio alone. Someone will come for him shortly.”
It happened like this:
He hadn’t been having a good day to start with. The world was ending and nobody knew what to do about it - that was already a mood dampener right there. And all that afternoon had been taken over by weird secret council meetings where Yuga alluded to how he might maybe, possibly, have some kind of plan but he was keeping it to himself until they were ready to hear it. Bad enough, right? But no - Hilda was genuinely listening to the guy. Never mind that he threw off so many red flags he could’ve worn them as a cape, he was saying the things Her Grace wanted to hear. So it looked like he was the favorite now. And Ravio? Ravio might as well have been chopped liver.
It had been raining when he left the castle. He’d gotten home to find someone had chucked a rock through his window. Wasn’t the first time. Wasn’t even the first time he’d had to deal with the rain puddling half an inch deep just inside the door.
“Won’t be the last time, either,” he’d muttered to Sheerow, bracing himself to step over the deepest part of the water, find some boards to nail up inside the window until he could fix it properly -
And that had been the last straw, pretty much. Knowing it wouldn’t be the last time. You did your best and it wasn’t enough and people smashed up your house time and again until the world finally crumbled into ash.
So the window stayed broken and the rain kept falling into his house, and he went and had a drink which turned into several drinks which turned into lying down next to the fireplace and staring upward and thinking about sunshine. Also bees. Why bees? Well, there was this kinda nice background droning sound. Maybe that was why. Didn’t matter much either way. “Kinda soothing, huh?” he said. Sheerow, perched on his chest, twittered something indistinct.
It was nice and dry in here, and safe enough for now, and there was a comfortable warmth in his belly. So why ever leave? Forget the end of the world, forget the rain, forget Yuga and the Triforce and all of that junk. Ravio was staying right here.
Actually, he shouldn’t have gone to the trouble of listing all the things he wasn’t worrying about. Because then he remembered them, and then he started worrying again. That comfortable warmth was threatening to sour into nausea. He held up one finger, stretched his arm out toward the ceiling, and said “Barkeep, I’ll have another.”
A frowning face came into view above him. “Can’t have another if you can’t stand up.”
Ravio put on his most agreeable smile. “Oh, I can! Definitely. I just don’t want to. I like it here.” Sheerow chirped. “Hey, yeah, and a shallow dish to go with it. My friend here wants another too. Thanks.”
“You need to get up.”
“I can pay.”
The barkeep scowled. “You’re making the other customers uncomfortable.”
“Really? But I’m just lying here.”
“That you are. And four different people have asked me if you’re dead.”
Ravio’s eyes widened. “Oh, wow. Yeah, that’d be bad. You wanna be known as the kind of place that wouldn’t just leave a dead guy on the floor. You can get floor corpses anywhere, but this” - he waved his hands around erratically - “is a different class of bar! Right? So, if I just make… Hold on, I don’t have any paper… If you just make me a sign saying I’m not dead -”
“If I didn’t know you worked for the Princess, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’d be out on your ear already.”
“Is that a yes or a no?”
“Get up or the next one costs double.”
Ravio paid double and stayed where he was. He did have to sit up eventually, so he could drink without splashing it all over his face, and so he could pour a little into a saucer for Sheerow. But with that out of the way, he lay back again with his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Couldn’t see the weird looks he was getting that way.
And while he lay there trying really hard to think about nothing, a voice resolved out of the vague hum: “And where is the little vermin?”
Chairs scraped against the floor. Ravio had an impression a path was being cleared from the door to him. Too late, he realized he knew the speaker.
Yuga prodded him with one foot, not gently. “Get up, you. Her Grace was most displeased to hear what you’ve been up to.”
He stared blankly upward in horror, his heart sinking. Hilda knew where he was? Hilda was displeased?
“Which is nothing to the indignity I suffer,” Yuga went on, “in being expected to come and fetch you. I said get up, you ugly creature. And don’t expect me to help you, either. I wouldn’t touch you if you paid me.”
But why get up? Ravio wondered. What was the point? Then he reflected that if he stayed here he’d feel the point of Yuga’s boot between his ribs again. Probably pretty soon, too. “I’m working on it, I’m working on it.” He struggled into an awkward crouch, scooped up the drowsing Sheerow in both hands, put the bird on his shoulder and lurched to his feet. The lamplight swung and blurred around him, leaving greasy-looking smears of brightness across his vision. He shut his eyes against the dizziness. “So, that was a definite mistake,” he muttered. Even without seeing, he could feel Yuga waiting impatiently for him to collect himself. He hiccuped and rocked back on his heels, and had to swallow hard and take a few deep breaths before he felt steady enough to open his eyes and deal with the guy, and even then…
“I hope you don’t do this often,” said Yuga. “How disgraceful. I’d think the poor princess has enough troubles even without having a lush for a lackey. If you had any shame, you wouldn’t want to worry her so.”
But he was smirking as he said it, and Ravio’s face heated. You’re lying, he thought. You don’t care about Hilda at all. “I would never,” he said, “never wanna do anything to make Her Grace upset. And I almost never come here! It’s not a good idea. Makes your head all fuzzy, and head stuff is all I’m good for, right? This is - this is Lorule, after all. A guy my size shouldn’t let his guard down.” The indignation started to leave him. He waved a hand vaguely. “Today is… today’s different.”
Yuga just looked even more smug, and even more sly, and Ravio had the sickening feeling that maybe he’d said too much, given away something important. “Ah, right,” he said. “Today is different, my pathetic little friend.”
Ravio waited for the other shoe to drop and tried not to cringe too noticeably.
But Yuga went on, in a low voice that the other patrons would not overhear: “Because we have a plan now, don’t we? Things won’t go on as they have for much longer. Our world will be remade into a thing of beauty. With such joyous news I suppose you can’t be blamed for letting down your defenses.”
Hypnotized by Yuga’s terrible smile and struggling not to tip his hand, Ravio could say only, “Do you have extra teeth or something?”
Yuga didn’t answer. “Nevertheless, Her Grace has tasked me with seeing that you get safely home - as if I had nothing better to do of an evening. You owe me an apology. And while you’re at it, you should beg Her Grace’s forgiveness for depriving her of the services of her most valuable advisor.”
Ravio looked down, mumbling, “I wouldn’t say I’m valuable, exactly.”
“No, I meant me, you nitwit.” Yuga rolled his eyes. “Imagine! What a sad day for Lorule if the princess had to rely on the likes of you.”
Ravio chuckled miserably. “Yeah, no kidding.” He let his chin sink until his scarf covered the lower third of his face. The cloth fibers tickled his nose, and the reflected warmth from his breath on his face made him feel dizzy again. He wrapped his arms around himself. “That’d be the worst,” he said. It came out barely comprehensible.
“Then again,” said Yuga, his brows drawing together, “she must see some point to you…”
All Ravio really wanted was to go to sleep. Sure, he knew he shouldn’t. And yeah, he stood by what he’d said about how you weren’t supposed to let your guard down, and that probably went double around Yuga. But for a moment he thought… It would’ve been so much easier to stop paying attention. Stop worrying so much. Throw in the proverbial towel.
Yuga was saying, “You’ve been in Her Grace’s service a long time, haven’t you?” and Ravio knew, if he could just focus, he’d see where this was going. There was probably a trap here somewhere. But it was so hard.
He raised his head clear of the scarf enough to say, “Fat lotta good that’s done, huh? Been with her since we were kids, and everything still sucks.”
Yuga snorted. “You’re hardly more than a child even now.” Technically true, but still a weird thing to hear. Ravio wasn’t used to thinking of himself that way.
He wondered idly if he was ever going to get any taller, or if that was all over and done. He wondered if someday Yuga wouldn’t tower over him like this. If someday people wouldn’t be able to back him into corners and loom over him all the time -
But the huge monster clown was talking. He needed to focus.
“After all that time - after being so completely powerless for so long,” said Yuga, “I’m sure you’d jump at any chance to ease your mistress’s burdens.” And he gave Ravio a thoughtful, sidelong look, and -
A spark of understanding punched through the alcoholic fog. He’s gonna try to talk me around, Ravio thought, or at least figure out where I stand. As long as he’s got me here, he’s gonna size up the opposition. Figure out if I’m a threat.
He gulped. Okay, Ravio, he told himself, just don’t let him know you think he’s shady - but he was in no fit state for a contest of wits, and he knew it. He said, hardly above a whisper, “I’d do anything.”
“Then you must be elated at the promise I bring. This land will be reborn, and dear Princess Hilda need never worry her empty little head over Lorule’s welfare again.”
“She’s not stupid,” Ravio snapped, and held a finger up in front of Yuga’s face. “You take that back.” Yuga looked amused. “Nobody else… in her position nobody else would do any better. I’m sure of it. Maybe she doesn’t always make the best decisions, but maybe - maybe that’s ‘cause in her place there aren’t any good decisions to make! Have you thought about that? And - and having been by her side for so long” - some part of him in the back of his mind said oh gods Ravio shut up now before you ruin it, but he was powerless to stop the words coming on - “I’ve seen that! I’ve seen there’s never an easy out. Everything is always terrible and everyone is always doomed. So you…” He gestured at Yuga. “You and your stripy pants roll up saying you can fix generations of awfulness in no time flat - and what am I supposed to make of that? ‘Cause that’s totally not suspicious, right? That doesn’t scream ‘scam’ at all. And trust me, I’ve seen scams! I mean, what is this, amateur hour? Does the phrase ‘too good to be true’ ring any bells?”
He swayed slightly. He’d forgotten what his point was here. It took him a second to remember how he’d gotten started down this road. “So don’t insult Her Grace,” he said.
Only afterward did he realize that he’d kinda been shouting at full volume by the end there, and he had to stop and catch his breath.
Then he thought, Oh no, people heard that, and glanced around the bar to gauge the reaction. But no one was paying attention to him at all. They probably didn’t care about big shouty scenes anymore.
And then he thought, So what was that part about not telling Yuga you’re on to him?
His stomach dropped. His mouth went dry. He turned slowly to look at Yuga again, and he couldn’t quite read the guy’s face, but… That colorful blur off to the side, yeah, that was definitely Yuga twirling his staff like he was thinking of putting it to use.
Ravio thought, I’m done for. He swallowed hard, took a breath, and started talking fast: “I mean, that’s what I thought when you showed up. So I admit, I wasn’t totally on board at first. And - and I was kinda scared, too. I thought, what if there really is an easy answer and I didn’t think of it? And then Hilda realizes I’m useless? And look, I’m no match for you. Obviously.”
“Obviously,” said Yuga. Which was true and all, and Ravio had already thrown out any trace of pride, but it sure didn’t win Yuga any points. Smug bastard.
Ravio shut his eyes and breathed deep. He knew what he had to do. He reminded himself that he definitely had gotten rid of any sense of pride, or shame, or dignity. But this was still gonna suck. “What I’m saying is, I really, really didn’t want to believe you. But now… I gotta hand it to you. Your idea is looking really good, and I got nothing. So yeah. I’m convinced. I’ll follow you on this one.”
“Hmmm.” Yuga continued to twirl his staff contemplatively. “Then I trust you, as Her Grace’s longest-standing advisor, will be willing to vouch for me if the need arises.”
Ravio choked. “Sure,” he said.
“And you’ll defer to me,” said Yuga. “You’ll stay out of my way and do as you’re told.”
Ravio made himself nod. “Oh, yeah, absolutely. All that good stuff.” This guy insulted Hilda, he thought, and probably wants to do a lot worse. He swallowed again. “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve already done. Seeing how happy it’s made Her Grace to finally have some hope -”
And she was happy, was the worst part. She was happy and guardedly optimistic, and he hadn’t ever been able to give her that. And it wouldn’t even last. The hope Yuga offered was false.
He couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat. He wanted to go to bed for the rest of his life. He wasn’t cut out for this.
“How grateful are you?” said Yuga. “A demonstration is in order.”
This is for Hilda, Ravio told himself. I said I’d do anything. But his knees didn’t want to bend. Some things were too much.
Nothing was too much. Ravio sank to his knees and bowed down to the floor, until his face touched the rough planking near Yuga’s feet. Please let this convince him, he thought, please let me get out of here alive so I can help Hilda, please gods please forgive me this betrayal. “If this plan works,” he said, raising his head, “I’ll owe you everything I have and more.” He bowed down again and made as if to grab for Yuga’s ankle.
Yuga kicked his hand away. “Don’t touch me. I don’t know where you’ve been. And get up - you’ve made your point. Such a pathetic little creature you are, but your support may be of some value.”
Ravio sat up. Sheerow, jostled around by all the movement, came awake just in time to hear Ravio say, “At your service, Yuga.” And immediately lodged a protest, flailing his wings about wildly and filling Ravio’s ears with a prolonged angry trill. Also biting said ears. “Sheerow! Please!” Ravio tried to communicate through hand gestures I know what I’m doing, little guy, go back to sleep before you blow my cover, of course I don’t trust this joker, but apparently the meaning didn’t come across.
“What’s wrong with your animal?” said Yuga.
Ravio plastered on a rueful grin and looked up at Yuga. “Birds, am I right? Never know what’s gonna set ‘em off. You can ignore - ow! Hey! We’ll talk about this later, buddy, I promise, just - gods why is your beak so sharp this isn’t even fair.”
“If you can’t even control your pet, what use are you to me?”
He waited for Sheerow to quiet down again. “I can do lots of things. I can - well - I can do some things.” And then he saw his chance. “If you’d tell me more about your plan, I’m sure we can work something out.” Yuga looked skeptical. “Or - hey, you want me to help convince Her Grace, right? I mean, not that I couldn’t, but I’m sure I’d be extra persuasive if I actually knew what I was talking about.”
Yuga stared down his nose at Ravio, his lips twisted in displeasure. “There is another world,” he said finally, “similar in many ways to this one. We’ll need the - hm, let’s call it the cooperation of a few elements on that side. I will go there and get it. That’s really all that you need to know for now.”
“Their cooperation? So, what, are they just gonna… do they just have… some kinda machine for holding worlds together? And you’re gonna ask nicely so they’ll lend you their spare?”
Yuga looked off into the distance, and absently - but the on-purpose kind of absently - flexed his fingers on his staff. “I would hope that, even as addle-brained as you are, you would know better than to mock me.”
“I’m not. I swear. I’m not making fun of you, that is a serious question. I just don’t understand your totally super great plan yet, because, uh, addled brains and stuff.”
“You know,” said Yuga, “I routinely scrape stronger things than you from the soles of my shoes when I come in from out of doors.”
Ravio shrank away and promptly toppled over backward, catching his weight awkwardly on one elbow. That was gonna hurt when the buzz wore off. “M-maybe you should watch where you step, then? Okay, yeah, sorry, sorry, that wasn’t funny at all. Not mocking you. Cross my heart.” He considered making another attempt to get up, but Yuga would probably find an excuse to knock him down. And not like Ravio was a threatening guy even on the best day, but he’d be really non-threatening if he was lying down the whole time, right? So Yuga wouldn’t decide “hey, this guy could be an obstacle to my plans, I better smear him on the nearest wall”?
(That, and the swirling paint-colored light pouring from Yuga’s staff was making him kinda woozy. If he did stand up, he wasn’t sure he could stay that way. So. Pretty airtight case for staying on the floor, right there.)
“All right, so you don’t want to tell me what you’re gonna do in the other world. Fine! Totally fine. Trade secret or something, right? Actually, what is your trade? ...Nah, but never mind. Will you at least… Does the other world have a name?”
Yuga told him.
“Wait, say that again?”
Yuga rolled his eyes and repeated the name.
Ravio laughed. “Hey, you coulda just told me you didn’t wanna tell me. I mean, that’s a pretty good one, but -”
Yuga stamped his foot, hard enough that other people in the bar turned to look, and pointed his staff at Ravio. “What did I tell you about mocking me?”
“Wait, you’re serious? It’s actually called…? Wow. D’you think there’s a Mediumrule out there somewhere too? Maybe it’d make more sense to start there, huh? Let’s not set our sights too high.” He started laughing again. “Because, because -”
“I get it.”
“Do you get it?”
“I said -” But Yuga broke off, sighed, and finally lifted his staff out of Ravio’s face. “This has been completely pointless. Get up, you disgusting sot. If you can walk, I’d prefer to have you out of my hair as soon as possible.”
He thought about going back to his house. Then he lay back the rest of the way and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t go home. It’s no good.”
“Why not?” Yuga said impatiently.
“Flooded. I can’t… I don’t wanna look at it right now.” He meant to stop there, but instead found himself rattling on under his breath: “Probably not safe either, but who’s counting? Probably suit you just fine if I caught my death -” Sheerow tried to bite him again and missed. “Okay, okay, point taken, little buddy.”
Yuga gave the appearance of deliberating over this for a while, then sighed loudly and said, “To the castle, then. Her Grace should know what to do with you.”
He shoulda seen this coming. He hadn’t. He raised a finger in weak protest and said, “Um, about that. I kinda think - y’know - Her Grace doesn’t really…” He trailed off, lowering his hand. I don’t want her to see this, he thought, but you probably do. Probably jumping at the chance to make me look bad.
Of course, I wouldn’t look bad if I just did what I was supposed to.
“You should have thought of that before you even came here.”
“Yeah.” Ravio sighed. “Gimme a bit. I’ll get up in… a bit.”
He didn’t really want to leave this comfortable fire, or to hear whatever Hilda was going to say to him when he got to the castle. But he couldn’t stay here either. He was starting to feel unwelcome - he’d been unwelcome for a while now, but it had taken some time to break the skin - and Yuga would probably kick him again. He got up. It was not a graceful maneuver, and left him with several new questions, like “how far away are the walls right now, and could they please pick a distance and stick to it” and “is it possible to get seasick on land.” He flailed out with his hands until one of them touched the hearth, and then hung onto it for dear life.
“Hurry up.”
“Look, buddy,” Ravio muttered, “you really don’t want me to hurry right now.”
“I am not,” Yuga said, in such complete disgust it was as if the words had turned into slugs on his tongue, “your ‘buddy.’”
“Yeah, and I’m not yours, pal. ’S called sarcasm -” Shit. He slapped a hand over his mouth. Then he cursed himself again, for drawing attention to the blunder. He was gonna die here tonight, no question. Yuga was gonna see through him - or maybe he already had. Maybe this had been a head game all along. Either way -
He found himself babbling again. “And, look, Her Grace knows there’s no love lost between the two of us, right? So - so my support should count extra! Like, ‘oh wow, Ravio’s throwing in with Yuga even though I thought he couldn’t even stand the guy, that’s a really strong vote of confidence.’ Like, ‘hey, if our most cowardly and pathetic underling will vouch for this, then it must be a pretty safe bet, huh?’”
And then Yuga was leaning down close to his face - much too close. “Do you think you’re safe, then?”
He didn’t know how he was supposed to answer that. Not in a million years. He couldn’t do this anymore. “What do you want me to say?” he said, because he was too tired to stop himself. “I don’t know the right answer. I’ve never - nothing is ever - life isn’t safe. I know that. I want… I want what’s best for the princess. So I have to try and do anything I can.” Even suck up to the creepy bastard who’s trying to overthrow her, just for the chance to stop him. Though that didn’t seem to be going too well. Anything he could do wasn’t very much. It never had been. “Please,” he said, “I just wanna go to sleep.”
Yuga backed off a step. “The sooner you explain yourself to Her Grace, the sooner she will release you to do just that. Come along.” He turned with a swirl of his cape and strode importantly back to the door.
“‘Release me,’” Ravio echoed, though Yuga was out of earshot now, staring impatiently at him from the exit. “You mean for good? Sheerow, do you think we…?” But Sheerow was asleep again. He sighed. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He tried to adjust his scarf for going back out into the weather, but somehow only made it worse. “You can leave all the worrying to me.”
Outside, the rain had slackened a little. Ravio could hear thunder in the distance, moving away toward the mountains. The worst was over.
The worst was yet to come. Hilda was waiting.
“Why are you so slow?” Yuga snapped from a little further up the road. Ravio didn’t answer. Yuga strode back over to him, seized his scarf, and reeled him in until they were face to face. “My patience is running down, boy. How distraught do you think Her Grace would really be if I happened to misplace you? Would she notice you were gone?”
“Um,” said Ravio, with a lot less force or confidence than he would have liked, “well, see, she did explicitly send you out here to get me, right? So she’s expecting both of us to show up. And you don’t want to let her down, do you? It would be bad - I mean, for your master plan and stuff.”
Yuga let him go, and he almost fell into the mud immediately. “True. But do pick up the pace, before I have to come up with some kind of… incentive. I don’t care for this rain at all.”
Ravio squinted at him. He could be wrong - he’d been wrong a lot today - but it didn’t look like the guy was getting wet at all. For his own part, Ravio was already damp tending toward bedraggled, but the rain didn’t seem to have touched Yuga at all. Ravio stood very still and kept squinting, and yeah, that was it. The water was stopping about an inch above Yuga’s head and then rolling away, as if down some big invisible umbrella.
Not fair, he thought. My house is unfit for human habitation and this guy can use magic to protect his stupid hairdo? He wondered if the magic would also repel water from below. Maybe accidents could be contrived. Maybe someone could carelessly blunder into a huge puddle, and -
He threw the idea out as soon as he’d had it. Spite felt like too much work. Everything felt like too much work. He was so cold.
“I said ‘pick up the pace,’ you imbecile, not ‘stop moving and gape at me.’ This is not the time to succumb to your envy, however beautiful I may be.”
Beautiful. Yeah. Ravio honestly gagged a little. But that did raise another question. “You know… the new Lorule…”
“What? Spit it out.”
“You said this land will be remade. What do you have in mind?”
Yuga stared in silence for some time, then sniffed and turned his back on him. “Is that what the holdup is? You’re not smart enough to walk and talk at the same time? Well, I won’t answer anything if you can’t keep up.” He paused and glanced back with a cruel smile. “The suspense must be killing you.” And he strolled away, taking long, deliberate strides.
“Do you think you’re funny?” Ravio muttered under his breath. “Do you seriously think you’re being clever right now?”
“Did you say something, cretin?”
“Nope,” said Ravio, and started walking after him, as carefully as he could manage. He still seemed to step in just about every puddle in the road, and there were a lot of those. The roads in Lorule were more like one continuous pothole. They hadn’t had the money for infrastructure in forever, and Hilda wasn’t interested in hearing about it. “Couldn’t have said anything. Too busy walking, and I can only do one thing at once.”
It was supposed to be sarcastic, but then he proved his own point by tripping. He twisted around midair to keep Sheerow out of harm’s way and hit the ground hard on his opposite shoulder. Sheerow fluttered sleepily, barely taking note.
And again he found himself facing the same question: Why bother ever getting up again?
Yuga stomped back over and dragged him up by his sodden scarf. “It’s late in the game to decide to drown yourself. I’ve had to endure your company this far. I won’t fail to deliver you to your mistress now.”
“Please let go,” Ravio said quietly, taking hold of his scarf on either side of Yuga’s clawlike grip. “This is mine. It’s the only one like it.”
Yuga backed off, sneering. He shook out his hand after he let go, as if trying to rid it of some contamination. “I should hope it is.”
They walked on. Ravio kept silent and did his best not to stumble or fall behind. At the bridge to the castle, Yuga said, “The new Lorule, since you asked… It will be beautiful beyond your understanding.”
Princess Hilda was waiting for them. Ravio couldn’t look at her. He knelt on the cold stones before her and didn’t speak.
“Thank you, Yuga,” she said.
“Certainly, Your Grace. I am glad to be of assistance in mending such an… unfortunate circumstance.”
“It is very unfortunate,” the princess agreed. Ravio felt it like a blow, and couldn’t stop himself flinching.
“If I may speak frankly,” said Yuga, unseen somewhere off to his left, “I know you and this boy have had a long association. No doubt there is some loyalty, some attachment, on both sides. But I would urge you to reconsider relying on someone who has proven he’ll go to pieces in an important time. This is a pivotal moment for our country, Your Grace. Can you really afford to take the counsel of someone who can’t handle that pressure?”
Ravio didn’t say anything.
Hilda said, “I will consider your opinion. You may go.”
“Your Grace,” said Yuga. Ravio heard him walk away, and a door closing behind him.
He kept his head down. The hem of Hilda’s dress came into view. “Ravio,” she said. “What has come over you?”
“I…” All the words stuck in his throat. “Your Grace, I… I never meant for -” He was never gonna get through it this way. He took a breath. He’d just have to come out and say it. “I’m sorry. I really am. But - it’s Yuga. He’s acting like he’s really great, and you’re acting like he’s really great, but he’s not great at all, and if you just gimme some time to figure out what he’s up to I can prove it’s no good -”
She sighed. He stopped dead. “This jealousy is beneath you,” she said.
“Jealousy? Why does everyone think I - I mean, that guy? Come on, why would I -”
“Lord Yuga has my ear now, and you aren’t accustomed to sharing that privilege. But for the sake of Lorule, I must ask you to get used to the idea. We must stand together if our world is to be saved.”
“But it’s not going to be saved! Lorule is doomed, Princess, we’ve always known that. Yuga isn’t - he doesn’t have anything good planned for us. Or for you! He’s…” Words failed. He made vague hand gestures; these also failed. “He’s just… bad! You gotta believe me -”
“Ravio,” she said sharply. “I suggest you go get some sleep. This will all look very embarrassing in the morning, I’m sure.”
“You’re gonna take his word over mine? After all the time we - after everything -”
“Yuga has offered me proof of the other world. Do you have proof to contradict him?”
“I…” He’d been trying to find proof, this whole night. And now, as he racked his brains for anything incriminating that had come up, he had to admit: he had failed. All he had were suggestions. Insinuations. If he’d been on top of his game tonight - “Look, he’s said some stuff, and I’ve got a feel for this kind of thing, okay? Like an instinct. I grew up in Thieves’ Town. I know when people are -”
Hilda tapped the butt of her staff lightly against the floor, cutting him off. “There is a cot made up for you. Go get some rest, and tomorrow I expect you to see about repairing your house. And please be aware, for the future: if you mean to convince someone of your honesty and forthrightness, invoking your criminal background is not the best way to go about it. Good night, Ravio. I wish you a speedy recovery.”
For some time after she left, he didn’t even bother getting up.
He slept through the morning and into early afternoon, and stayed put for a while even after waking. His eyes hurt, and the inside of his mouth felt all gummy and disgusting. Sheerow was sluggish and worse for wear, too. But they couldn’t stay here forever. It would be better to get the windows boarded over while there was still light. “Up and at ‘em, buddy,” Ravio muttered, without any particular conviction. “We gotta go buy some nails and stuff.”
He tried to avoid the princess on the way out. If he looked half as pale and shabby as he felt, then he was a terrifying sight she could just as well do without.
There were other reasons he didn’t want to cross her path today.
So of course she intercepted him right before he made good his escape. “Ravio,” she said. “How do you feel today?”
“Oh, you know,” he said, with a weak smile and a wave of his hand, “absolutely terrible. So everything is as it should be, right? One comeuppance, duly administered -”
“I do understand your distress,” she said, “as inconvenient as it has been. Change is a difficult thing. If this works, it’s not certain what awaits us. What our world will be like, where we belong in it - it may seem easier to continue as we’ve always done and patiently wait for the end.” She shook her head. “But I want you to trust that I am doing what’s best for Lorule, as best I know how. For myself, I want to trust that I have your support to that end. Can I? Will you give me that?”
“Of course,” he said. “Of course I will. You already have it. You have ever since -” He knew he was babbling. He tried to stop himself, but only succeeded in changing course. He heard himself say, “I swear on my life I will never disappoint you again,” and he knew it wasn’t true. Couldn’t be. He was a disappointing person, to his very essence. But sometimes a guy wanted to believe.
“Good,” she said, with an approving nod, and that expression of hers that wasn’t exactly a smile but seemed to carry the same meaning. Then it disappeared, and her tone turned businesslike. “Yuga will depart for Hyrule to set things in motion in one week’s time. You have the rest of today for rest and… personal reflection, but expect a summons tomorrow to discuss your role in this.”
So it was going ahead. He didn’t have any real reason to believe he’d convinced her, but - he still hadn’t been ready, somehow, to hear that Yuga had won. But he couldn’t say anything now, or he might lose that tenuous approval. She might never not-quite-smile at him again. He’d have to pretend to fall in line, but what then? Find some way to bring Yuga down from behind the scenes? In only seven days?
He bowed, and the change in elevation made his eyes hurt even worse. “Count on me, Your Grace,” he said, and hated himself for it.
“I will.”
