The Family We Choose

[shinon]

Title: The Family We Choose
Fandom: Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn
Characters: Rolf, Shinon
Word count: ~1200
Warnings: Language, and what is for me an almost intolerable level of sap
Notes: I've been wanting to write Shinon and Rolf fic for some time, but it took me forever to come up with an idea I could actually work with and that hadn't already been done a billion times.
This makes more sense if you've seen the conversations about Rolf's mom in ... eh, 3-2? 3-3?

Rolf ducked out of the tent, careful to let the flap down slowly so it wouldn't make noise. Boyd wouldn't wake up even if it did, but he'd gotten used to being quiet back when he'd shared a tent with Mist and Rhys. Anyway, it never hurt to practice being stealthy. If your enemy didn't know you were there, you could feather him before he had the chance to fight back or sound an alarm. "And someone your size can't take many hits," Shinon had said matter-of-factly, while everyone else was still trying to pretend that no, nothing untoward would ever happen to Rolf, someone else would always be there, he'd never be in a position to take any hits at all.

That was why he liked Shinon. It might also be why nobody else did.

He made his way toward the edge of the camp. The night watch was mostly laguz, since the beast tribe could see better in the dark, but the mercenaries took shifts, too. They were easy to find – there was only one fire on the perimeter. Rolf approached it as discreetly as he could.

"The hell are you doing awake?"

Not discreetly enough, it seemed.

"Hey, Shinon," he said.

Shinon snorted. "Hey, yourself." The firelight reflected off his eyes for a moment before he turned his head away and resumed staring out at the plain.

For a while neither said anything.

"Well?" said Shinon. "Spit it out."

"What?"

"Obviously something's bothering you. So you came to bother me." He poked at the coals with a stick. "So sit down and let's hear it. I'm not going anywhere." Rolf hesitated. "Come on, before I get old."

Rolf sat down next to him. "I've been thinking." He took a breath. "About my family."

"Rolf, I am the last guy you wanna ask about that."

"I'm not asking you anything. I just... want to talk to somebody who's not involved. Boyd and Oscar, they'd try to understand, but if I said everything, they might get upset, you know?"

"So talk to Rhys. He's not involved."

"Fine," said Rolf, hurt. He got up. "Sorry for wasting your time."

"Hey. No. Sit back down. I mean, you're already here." Rolf sat back down. "What's the problem?"

Rolf hugged his knees to his chest. "A few days ago, my mother wanted to come talk to me. I said I never wanted to see her again, so Oscar sent her away." He stared into the fire. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

"What, you want her around?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

"It's not like she ever did anything for you."

"No, but... she is my mother. And I've been thinking a lot. Not everyone has a mother. Soren doesn't. Gatrie doesn't. Mist and –" but he wasn't supposed to mention Ike to Shinon. Even though they saw him every day. Even though they took orders from him. Adults were strange sometimes – "Mist doesn't, and she misses hers a lot. Even my brothers –"

"What's your point?"

"I don't remember her from when I was little. So it's like I never had one either and then I got a chance to try it. Maybe I shouldn't have said no so fast."

"She abandoned you once. Probably do it again in a heartbeat."

"I know."

Shinon raised his eyebrows. "So what the hell is it you think you're missing out on?"

"I don't know. But what if it's something big? What if everything's completely different with your blood family around?"

"It isn't," Shinon said flatly.

"What was your family like?"

For a while it seemed like he wasn't going to answer. "I left when I was about your age and I didn't look back once. That oughtta tell you all you need to know."

"But you're always leaving," said Rolf, remembering the summer and fall of the Mad King's War. It seemed to him it had been about this time of year when Greil had died and Shinon had disappeared and everything had changed forever.

"That's different."

"Did you look back that time?"

Shinon smiled wryly. "Maybe once."

They were quiet. Rolf moved a little closer to the fire. It was unseasonably cold here; Rhys was always talking about a chill coming up off the river or something. But then, Rhys felt chills coming up off anything. Especially when he was sick, which he usually was.

Shinon spoke again, his voice low: "Look, there's nothing mystical about blood."

"Mystical?"

"People who are related to you aren't any better than anyone else. Or they can be worse, if you let 'em think they have a claim on you."

"But maybe she's changed. Maybe she's really sorry."

"Then she won't take no for an answer, and she'll try to find you again."

Rolf studied his shoes. "Do you think she will? Come back, I mean."

Shinon's answer was immediate and a little too scornful for Rolf's taste. "No."

"All right. Then I guess that's that," said Rolf, starting to rise again.

"What? Sit down, dammit. I told you I wasn't the guy to ask." Rolf sat down. He had nothing else to say and Shinon probably had nothing he wanted to hear, but you didn't argue when Shinon was glaring at you like that. You just didn't.

"The mist is coming in," Rolf remarked after a while, hoping a subject change might save the conversation.

"Yeah." Shinon sighed heavily. "Don't get all eaten up about it, all right? She was never your family. Your brothers – they're the ones who looked out for you. Even if they didn't do the best job."

"I know that," said Rolf, annoyed. "My brothers are the best. I wouldn't give them up for anything. I just thought..."

Shinon shrugged carelessly. "Well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe after all this is settled down she'll come find you again and apologize and it'll be just like all the stupid sappy crap you're imagining. But as far as family goes, you're set for now."

"I know," said Rolf. He had known before, but it seemed clearer now. "It's just about who you care about and who's there for you."

"Exactly. You can choose your family. And if you want, there's nothing stopping you from choosing not to have one at all."

"Why would I want that?"

"Live a little longer. Maybe you'll figure it out then."

They were quiet.

"Hey, Shinon?"

"Hm?"

"You're family to me, too."

Shinon grimaced. "Ugh. I finally get you to stop calling me 'uncle,' and now this? Gah. That's just precious. I'm gonna be sick." Rolf laughed. Shinon rolled his eyes. "Go back to bed, kid."

"Can you teach me more about making bows tomorrow?"

"Sure. If there's time." Shinon leveled a finger at his student. "See? Ask me about that. None of this 'family' bullshit I don't know anything about."

Rolf grinned. "I understand."

"Good man. Now scram, I'm busy. Got all this grass to stare at."

Rolf hugged him and ran off before he could protest.