Idling

[shinon]

Fandom: Final Fantasy VI
Characters: Celes, Sabin, Edgar
Word count: ~2100
Warnings: None
Notes: For Siver for Yuletide 2023! If this story seems like it is written from bitter experience re: having too much downtime for one's own comfort, uhhh, have you considered, go away! You don't know me!

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"I don't pretend to know your whole life story," said Edgar. This was either polite of him or extremely disingenuous. He would've done his research on her, back when she was a weapon of the Empire, and ever since she'd joined the Returners entirely too much of her baggage had come up for public scrutiny. He said, "But certain details are suggestive."

Celes sighed. "What are you getting at?"

"I'd be very surprised if you'd ever gone three days without a project."

The castle lurched underfoot. Sabin swayed with the motion like he was used to it. Celes, embarrassingly, lost balance for a heartbeat, and almost sloshed her mug of coffee onto the floor.

Edgar, steadying his own mug on the table before him, said, "You can strap in if you'd like."

Figaro Castle was going to Kohlingen - but it was taking longer than Celes had anticipated. First, it had taken a week to get it travel-ready again. And now the topography of the world was different, and the network of caves and tunnels through which the castle moved had been shuffled around. Eight hours into the trip, tired of all the stopping and starting that she could feel even through the walls of her comfortably appointed interior guest chamber, she had begun pacing the newly darkened and compressed halls. Sabin had found her, saying, "Coffee in the Great Hall?" and she'd gone with him. She'd have gone with anything. The Great Hall had the virtue of the most extensive electrical lighting when the castle was in motion, and much of the off-duty castle staff was taking advantage of this with a large and complicated card game. Edgar had been off at a table on his own, probably thinking kingly thoughts.

"'Strap in?'" said Sabin, dubious. He paced over to one of the chairs bolted to the floor by the wall. "Huh. Lap belts. Those're new."

"Well - if not new per se, they were installed after your time. I think my next quality-of-life innovation is going to be cups with lids." After a moment he frowned, as if he'd said this in jest but was now seriously considering it. "Since I'll need new gaskets made anyway..."

Celes said, "You're not the type to ever go without projects, are you?"

Sabin ambled back over to them and elbowed Celes gently, looking conspiratorial. "Edgar has a rare medical condition. If he didn't keep at least four irons in the fire, his heart would stop."

Edgar said loftily, "I'm sorry we can't all meditate until we grow moss. Celes, if you've noticed a certain greenish quality to my brother's beard -"

Sabin pretended to be shocked. "Wait - now that you mention it, Edgar, c'mere, I need to see something. Are you going gray?"

"Part of my disguise," Edgar said shortly. "It'll wash out."

"Nah, I really think -"

Celes said, "Hang on," and Edgar shot her a look of gratitude. Huh. Maybe Sabin had been right. "I think you were trying to unsubtly hint that I could help you with something."

"Not in the least. You've done more than enough already - Sabin and I are both deeply in your debt. I was only making an observation."

Sabin said, "He's saying you seem antsy."

Celes stiffened. "What, have you two been comparing notes on me?"

"Nah," said Sabin. "I just notice stuff." He gestured vaguely toward Edgar. "He does too, sometimes."

"Fine," Celes said. "You got me. I don't know what to do with -" She searched for words. She could almost have said "myself," but stopped short of leaving herself that vulnerable. She said, finally, "This kind of... unstructured time."

"I like sleeping," Sabin said brightly.

Celes looked at him. "How can you say you 'like sleeping?' In the Serpent Trench you were up at dawn every single morning."

"Celes, thank you," Edgar cut in. "Isn't it the most disgusting behavior you've ever seen?"

Sabin returned Celes's dubious look. "You're a pretty early riser too..."

"That's different." She had slept poorly since the island. Intellectually, of course, she was aware that the year she'd lost had been something quite different from true sleep. On a baser level, every time she lay down and closed her eyes she wondered what new ruined world she would open them in.

"Okay, never mind," said Sabin, patting her shoulder. You could say this about the brothers Figaro: hard as it was to get things past either of them, at least they didn't pry. "All I'm saying is, it's nice to relax when you can, right? If you're in a place where you can't do anything... you can always just do nothing."

"Fascinating insight," said Celes, although Sabin had done nothing to deserve her sarcasm.

He didn't take it personally, only shrugged and smiled at her. "I had to learn, too. When I was a kid -"

The castle shuddered again – Celes kept her feet this time – and something underfoot gave a resounding CLUNK. A moment later the engine stumbled and stopped. The vibrations through the walls and floor died away, leaving, after these long hours of constant thrumming, a disconcerting stillness.

Sabin and Celes looked at Edgar. Edgar said "Hmm," and looked expectantly toward one of the service doors.

With no answers forthcoming, Sabin turned back to Celes and resumed: "I was sick a lot as a kid, and I missed out on a lot of stuff 'cause I had to stay in bed. I mean - Edgar kept me company whenever he could, Edgar was great" - Edgar was staring at the door and pretending not to hear this exchange - "but I was really bored and really pissed off, a lot of the time."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Celes, struggling to imagine this giant bulwark of health and vitality as anything else.

"I got better," he said. Laughing, he added, "People were kinda surprised -"

Edgar said quietly, "We had good doctors," and then, whether uncomfortable with the conversation or simply unwilling to wait for news, got up and left for the engine room.

"Right," Sabin said hastily, as if covering for him - even moving around to eclipse Celes's view of where he'd gone - "well. Point is, once I was healthy I thought I'd never be bored again, you know? But it turns out it's part of life for everybody. Sometimes you're not in control and there's nothing you can do. So I think - you can run around and find things to try and do anyway, or you can... I dunno..." He scratched at the back of his neck. "Practice just being."

Just being. Celes had been built for purpose, and on realizing that purpose was unworthy, had needed to substitute her own. Just being - what a fantastical, enviable proposition.

Then again. Kings didn't have sons just so those sons could pursue self-realization and wrestle bears in the mountains. Sabin had been made for a purpose too.

Sabin was saying, "Sometimes it's nice to just get on a chocobo and ride off into the desert and not go anywhere particular. Just to look around, and listen, and feel stuff."

Celes did not know what to say to this. She didn't want to be someone who found the idea ridiculous on its face. She tried turning it around in her head: look around, and listen, and don't make a battle plan of everything you see and hear. Was that realistic? Could she...?

Edgar was coming back up the stairs. "A change of scenery does work wonders," he said. "Sabin's right. I've had some of my best ideas -"

Sabin said, "It's not about having ideas -"

"Whatever it is about," Celes interrupted, "I doubt the chocobos would be interested in going outdoors right now."

"Point," said Edgar. He closed the distance to stand with them. "We're dealing with unprecedented levels of moisture in this stratum. I said, 'you know, I've often noticed that about the ocean -'"

Celes said, "Are we going under or around?"

"One of the two, yes." He scooped up the mug he'd abandoned from the table, saw it was mostly empty anyway, and gave it up again. "I've asked for a report on our options - we're going to be here a while. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience."

"How long is 'a while?'" said Celes. The longer they spent underground, the more the world might change - the longer the odds, perhaps, of finding their old allies again. Rationally, she had already lost a year, and another day or two made little difference. And yet: she had already lost a year, and the thought of more lost days made her want to bite through sheet metal. Imagine if they'd reached Terra earlier, even by a few weeks. Imagine if someone else...

Edgar smiled thinly. "I'd be more precise if I could. But - for as long as it takes, I hope you'll make yourself at home here."

She tried to keep the frustration off her face. She did not meet with unqualified success. Sabin leaned over and said, "Y'know, some interesting shortcuts open up when the castle is all squished together for tunneling like this. Kinda fun to wander around and see what goes where."

She forced some of the tension out of her shoulders. "I suppose not many outsiders have had that opportunity."

Sabin snorted. "Damn right they haven't. I think it's just you and Locke and -" he snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! And Edgar's whole weird thief gang. Wait, sorry, does that make it less impressive?"

"It shouldn't," she said. "I'm sure he worked with only the classiest thieves. People who would improve us by association."

Sabin grinned. "Thieves who know which fork to use at every banquet."

"It's a delicate and refined thief gang. To pass the entry test you have to take your hat off every time a woman walks by."

Edgar said, "You have the wrong man. This 'Gerad' character, who sounds very handsome, is still at large -"

Sabin shook his head. "No go. You can't do that joke in a conversation where you already admitted to being in disguise."

"Hmm. I did say that, didn't I." He adopted a thoughtful attitude. After a moment he said, "No, on consideration, I'm still hilarious. I will not be changing my story at this time."

Celes said, "What will you be doing?"

"Hm?"

"While we're stopped here."

"Oh. I hadn't decided, but I'm sure I can make progress on something else."

"Or," Sabin said suddenly, "you can wander around and look at stuff with us."

Edgar frowned at him. "I don't quite think it would have the same novelty factor for me."

"But you've been gone for a year."

"And back for a week, and every square foot of this castle I haven't looked at personally, I've at least read a damage report about." Then his expression softened. And then turned differently sharp. "Actually, there's a thought. Celes - do you want me to unsubtly ask your help with something? Do you want a project? If we're going on this little stroll, there are a few things I could show you."

Celes considered. "I'd rather be doing something than not."

Edgar stepped closer to Sabin, saying, "It's all right. I knew she'd side with me."

Celes said, "Talk like that and I'll change my mind."

Sabin laughed. "Nah, it's fine. Why do you think I wanted you to come down here? I thought you two might see it the same way." Edgar and Celes exchanged glances, subtext: Oh, he's good. Sabin went on, "It's not about sides anyway. If you guys are happy, I'm happy. And Celes - it's like Edgar said. You don't owe us anything."

Edgar said, "Quite the opposite. No obligation at all."

"So I’m sure we can find stuff for you to do, but you don't have to if you don't wanna. And you don't always have to jump from one big project right into another." (Edgar interjected, "Well, that part sounds fake," and was ignored.) "You can always look around and take stock and think about what you really wanna do."

Celes thought. Both brothers waited.

She said, "We're agreed that the next project is to kill Kefka if at all possible?"

"Absolutely."

"For sure."

She thought a little longer. Took a deep breath. Tried to make herself relax. "Right now, let's... wander around and look at stuff."

Edgar said, "Stirring speech, General."

"Piss off, Your Majesty."

And wander they did.